I Love Bad Singers. Seriously, I do. They always provide some sort of entertainment.

Here’s what I’m getting at. Bad singers always have five very important traits that amuse me beyond anything else:

1. They’re always out of tune

Yes, I know, this is an obvious one, but hilarious none the less. I love how some people can’t carry a pitch. This can range anywhere from slightly annoying, to ear-bleeding, but either way, it’s side-splitting.

2. They’re always at least twice as loud as everybody else

When you’re in a crowd full of people, it’s always easy to pick out the bad singers. Not because they stick out due to their lack of talent, but because they’re at least twice as loud as the next loudest person. Not only while they’re singing, but also in their speech. It seems that, right along with tone-deafness comes a hearing disorder, because these people tend to not know how to control their volume.

3. They can’t even sustain a poor note

Yes, I know this tends to be intentional, but bad singers always use too much vibrato, pitch fluctuation, and other vocal manipulations that are annoying with people that can pull them off, let alone someone who is fluctuating between two bad pitches.

4. They aren’t aware of their vocal range

I’ve never heard a bad singer who didn’t try to consistently sing above or below their comfortable vocal range. You always get the high, annoying ringing sound (and in males, people who sing everything in a falsetto), or the voices so low that their pitch only varies by a few cents from note to note, because they’re straining to go lower.

5. They always think that we want to hear them

Bad singers have too much self-confidence. There’s a reason you didn’t make it on American Idol, because you weren’t even good enough to be one of the bad singers who gets popular for singing badly. Your voice sucks. You carry pitch worse than my dog. Stop singing everywhere. I don’t want to hear it.

Unless I want a good laugh.