Reload
You are the garbage man, and you just found a brick of gold whilst digging through the bags on your route. They've told you over and over again to stop digging through the bags, that it's a "felony," or whatever. That's not your problem now. What are they going to do, fire you? You have a whole-ass block of gold shoved down the front of your pants and as soon as you cash that shits in, you're going to tell your boss where he can shove it. You don't even care if you get fired, because you're going to be rich! And so begins your life as a professional thief.
> You find a buyer who is willing to buy the entire bar of gold off of you.
The only catch is, you have to steal it from a bank vault in the middle of the desert. The first few days are hell. You spend most of your time stealing cars, trucks, boats, planes, trains, trains, and more trains.
> You see how much money you have.
It's like you're living in a video game. By the end of the week, you've stolen enough money to pay for a plane ticket back to New York. You're ready to go, but you need to rest up. You decide to take a break at the local casino.
> You play roulette.
"What the fuck are you doing?" the dealer asks. "I'm playing roulette". "Roulette? Are you fucking retarded?" "No, I'm not playing roulette. I'm playing blackjack". "Blackjack?"
> You go in for a round of blackjack then.
"Blackjack? You think this is some sort of joke? This is real shit". You lose all your money. The next day, you wake up in a cell at the New York City Police Department. "Hey, are you here for the robbery?"
> You nod silently.
"Well, we got a lot of people coming here for that, so you might want to pack a few things". You are taken to the police station, where you meet up with your partner. He looks at you. "So, what did you do?" "Nothing".
> You pee your pants.
You are put in a cage and interrogated for two days. You give them nothing. "We'll catch you later". They throw you in a cell and lock the door. You cry. You scream. You pray. You beg. You plead. You curse. You swear.
> You learn to play the harmonica.
You learn to sing. You learn to dance. You learn to laugh. You learn to love. You learn to hate. You learn to hope. You learn to fear. You learn to laugh. You learn to cry. You learn to dance. You learn to sing. You learn to laugh.
> You gain a new appreciation for the little things in life during your stay in the clink.
You are released and given a job as a waiter at a fancy restaurant. You work there for six years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your wife. She tells you she wants to divorce you.
> You cry into a bowl of soup and get fired.
You get another job at a diner. You work there for three years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your ex-wife. She tells you she wants to divorce you. You are arrested and charged with armed robbery. You plead guilty.
> You pick up the harmonica. "I never thought I'd be doing this again." Play a sad song for your fellow inmates.
You get out of prison and start working at a carnival. You work there for five years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your son. He tells you he wants to marry you.
> You tell your son his demon mother has been planting strange ideas in his head. If he doesn't get those thoughts of incest out of his mind by the time he comes for his weekend, you're taking him to the exorcist again.
You go to the exorcist. You perform an exorcism. You go back to work at the carnival. You work there for four years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your daughter. She tells you she wants to marry you.
> You bring your daughter to the exorcist again.
He performs an exorcism. You go back to work at the carnival. You work there for three years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your son. He tells you he wants to marry you. You go to the exorcist.
> You track down your ex-wife and banish her to hell so that your children will stop asking to marry you.
You return to work at the carnival. You work there for two years. One day, you get a phone call. It's your son. He tells you he wants to marry you. You tell your son his demon mother has been planting strange ideas in his head.
> You kill your son and daughter.
You go back to work at the carnival. You work there for one year. One day, you get a phone call. It's your ex-wife. She tells you she wants to divorce you. You say you're sorry and ask if you can move in with your daughter.
> You kill your ex-wife before the hypnosis becomes permanent.
You move in with your daughter and your daughter moves in with you. You spend the rest of your life together. You have a baby girl. You are the father of a beautiful baby girl. You are the father of a beautiful baby boy.
> You look into the mirror and see a face that you used to recognize.
A face that you once loved. A face that you once wanted to protect. The world is a better place because you were there to protect it. The world is a better place because you were there to protect it.
> You curl up into a ball.
You don't know how much longer you can hold on.
> You lose consciousness.
You wake up in a cell at the New York City Police Department. "Hey, are you here for the robbery?" You nod silently. You are taken to the police station, where you meet up with your partner. He looks at you. "So, what did you do?"
> You say, "Nothing.".
"We'll catch you later".They throw you in a cell and lock the door. You cry. You scream. You pray. You beg. You plead. You curse. You swear.You learn to play the harmonica.You learn to sing. You learn to dance.Permalink
Reload